Breathe in and out — you own your life. Explanations are not required.

I still stand by it; sometimes you just need to cut back and squeeze the juice out of simplicity for sheer enjoyment. Think quality, use and value. It’s like I’d rather have one pair of Louboutin peep toes than a collection of mediocre pumps.

How many times have you opened a drawer and gasped at the sight of an item as though you had only just discovered it, but really it was in there since, well, forever? YEAH. Same goes for purses, or pockets, closets and the scary space under your bed.

In short: you own way more than what you need. Of course there are wants we have lying around the house, but how many of those are just taking up space and interrupting the energy flow in your home?

Declutter your space

Less clothes. If you are like me, you probably have a hard time closing your closet doors and when it comes down to it, you only wear about 30% of what’s in there. So clear it all out: if it’s too old, worn or still has the pricetag on — out it goes. Donate it/throw it out.

Focus on having one of everything first; a good quality item rather than a bunch of half priced clones. Build your wardrobe so that you can mix and match almost everything, with a few key pieces that stand on their own and you’ll be good to go!

Stay away from sales, as they’ll entice you and you’ll only end up with something useless ‘because it was cheap.’

For inspiration: The Uniform Project, A Practical Guide to Owning Fewer Clothing

Less gadgets. One of the reasons I want the iPhone 4 in my life is because it’s like carrying all your gadgets in one. When I have to carry more than three separate techie gadgets — I don’t like it. Think of what you use most. Obviously if photography is your thing, you aren’t going to settle for the iPhone’s built-in camera no matter how powerful it is. The less your life is run my technology the better. So you have a perfectly fine working computer. Do you need an iPad? No. Also remember all these gadgets come with a set of cables/ports/batteries/stands…keep it simple!

“The things you own end up owning you.” — Tyler Durden, Fight Club

Less beauty products. Some of us have developed a tiny makeup obsession, so that walking into any makeup store every product looks like a giant candy waiting to be devoured. And so we buy it, even if the shade is 98.99% the same plum we bought last week (this one is a shimmer so it’s allowwed!) The quickest way to fix this: take part in Project 10 Pan: do not buy a new product until you have used up 10 of the same thing! And just as a general rule, use up everything you buy.

Less *gasp!* books/magazines. Magazines and books take a lot of space and are especially annoying when moving houses. If Kindle types are not for you, simply go through all your books and donate/sell any which you know you will never re-read. There’s no point in keeping those around. Same with magazines!

For more: 101 Physical Things That Can Be Reduced in Your Home

Declutter your mind & heart

Invest energy in the right things. When you’re in highschool you think being Secretary of Advertising is incredibly important, as are all grades so you spend weeks studying for your math final only to just pass by a few percent. Then when you’re out of it you realize how silly it was to put so much of your energy on something that you barely even remember today. When it comes down to it, are you worrying about things that matter? People matter, your health and happiness matter. We need to learn to be selective and to not sweat the little stuff.

Don’t pick up any rocks. When we’re in an argument or we’re insulted, we immediately accept the insult as though it were a bag of rocks with our name on it. Nobody said it was for us to pick up, but we pick it up anyway and lug it around, angry and frustrated. Next time, just don’t. Just because it has your name on it doesn’t mean you have to pick it up. Simply leave it there and move on.

Leave unhealthy relationships of any kind. What do you value in your relationships? Why is your best friend the best? Once you know this, you’ll know who is adding value to your life and who isn’t. Feel free to disconnect from energy vamps, rude and toxic people if they are only detiriorating you and the life you want for yourself. Period!

“Simplicity, clarity, singleness: these are the attributes that give our lives power and vividness and joy.” — Richard Halloway

Enjoy the simple things. A picnic at night, a quick swim in the sea, a walk in the park. Go out and enjoy everything that’s already out there, and drop the mindset that you need to buy this and that in order to be able to do whatever. After all, you’ve been cutting back on so many material things that you’ll have enough money to spare for nice meals out, or travelling!

The less you have, the less you have to worry about; the less time you need to spend maintaining things; the less things you’ll feel like you NEED or even want; the less space you need to keep it all together; the more you can enjoy everything else not attached to a material thing! It’s funny how all this less can equal so much gain.

“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” — Socrates, Way of the Peaceful Warrior

What kind of things will you be eliminating to declutter your life? Any tips for us minimalism beginners?

Often we are under the impression that certain people are superior, unreachable. We forget that we are all humans, each with our own faults and strengths, so when it comes to trying to approach said holier individuals we crumble under nerves and fear of rejection and ridicule. It’s a self preservation thing, and we all do it!

So how do you approach these people, break the ice and hold a conversation without feeling like a fool/embarrassed/inadequate/Bridget Jones?

Your opening line

First and foremost, find something to say. Who is this person? What may you have in common? For one, you’re in the same place. Maybe you both know the host, or you both opted for the assorted sushi instead of the mini burgers. Whatever it is, make sure you say it like you mean it.

The art of smiling

Don’t give your smile away right off the bat. After your initial brief introduction, wait a moment and take in the situation. Allow them to do the same and to reply — even if it’s just a “Hi”. Then flash your warmest, brightest smile at them.  It will make them feel acknowledged, like you genuinely want to stick around even if it means getting through a bit of painful small talk first.

Eye contact

Look them straight in the eye as you speak. Not only does it show respect, it shows you’re both on the same level. You have something to say and they want to listen.

Converse

Remember that you are holding a conversation, which means they should be doing some of the talking too! Be interested in what they say and ask pertinent questions (only if you are actually interested in knowing the answer!). Don’t get into heavy political debates; touch lightly on any subject that comes up while still letting your personality show through of course! If you want to win them instantly, all you have to do is talk about their favorite subject: THEM! Start with that ;)

Just remember to be your usual amazing self, that is always most important!

How would you approach someone that slightly intimidates you?

If I were taking one of those magazine ‘What is your style?’ quizzes, I know right off the bat there would be no option for me. I’m not glam rock, definitely not vintage-girly, not entirely preppy and not a “hipster”. I read fashion blogs and admire how their writers dress as if out of the same fashion line — cohesive yet different. But that’s not me!

I get all dolled up at night and go Tiger Lily on you during the day. There is no clear-cut pattern in my wardrobe, and I’m starting to come to terms with it. Some say I’m classic, others eclectic. But why put yourself in a category box at all? I wear what I like, what makes me feel best. If I must be put into a box, that’s the category I’d like to fall under.

That said, reading over Nubby’s post on personal style signatures, I found that while I don’t limit myself to the confined walls of one single style, there are some recurring style choices in my fashion history:

• Above all, simplicity. You will find about four patterned pieces in my closet altogether, and they are all florals. I also don’t do layering very well (I’ll go as far as two layers before feeling like a complete fool!)
• Plenty of neutral basics.
• Bodycon anything.
• Nailpolish. My favs: mint green, bubblegum pink, red & burgundy.
• Smokey eyes & syrup lips. I don’t like perfect makeup, and I feel the smokey eye is ideal for making my eyes stand out in a natural almost effortless manner. MAC Syrup lipstick is also a daily fav.
• Flats. I only wear heels when going out, or to a fancy dinner; otherwise it’s flats all the way for me!
• Statement accessories. Accessories actually bother me a lot of the time; I find them impractical, which puts me in a predicament as I own so many you’d think they were ‘my thing’. I’ll usually only wear a necklace, or a bracelet, or a big chunky ring, but never all at the same time. I can’t go out without earrings on though! As for sunglasses/hats/bandanas, they don’t exist for me.
• Oversized bags. I don’t know how to live without them and struggle to jam everything into a tiny purse for night outings :(

Basically if I’m going to be worrying about an outfit while wearing it, it’s not for me. Everything I wear I do because a) I absolutely love it b) it fits well and c) I am comfortable in it. That’s all there is to it for me, really!

What are your style signatures?

The way she so eloquently put what her life had been into such beautiful prose, and the way I couldn’t help but identify with so many questions and doubts that inevitably pop up as one grows up and is supposed to make way in the world made this book so easy to get lost in. I think especially now that I’m having my own doubts as to what it is I really want to do, whether I can succeed doing what I love and whether I’m just adequate in general (though hopefully I’m not alone in all that, how scary!)

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked….I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

It was heartbreaking and funny and tragic all at the same time.

What are you currently reading? And for those of you who have read The Bell Jar, what are your thoughts?

In less than half a week I abandoned lazy summer days in the sun for a job that now takes up most of my time. It was what I’d wanted then, but as the weeks keep pushing by I’m starting to treasure little things that perhaps I barely paid any attention to before.

Things like a nap after mom’s amazing cooking, or walking Chimbo (even if he IS 15 and takes forever to walk around a corner); having a ‘me’ night, where I give myself a little at home spa treatment, sitting around the TV with my mom laughing at the sillyness of the world or going out for dinner together and talking about big dreams.

I’ve missed lunch dates with friends and silly photos. Two weeks ago I was convinced to go out and watch Eclipse, and I can’t even remember the last time I’d gone to the movies! (OK I lie — I’m pretty sure the last time was for Avatar).

Talking to Tom every day forever isn’t possible anymore, which is heartbreaking, especially considering we are True Blood junkies and I can’t watch an episode if he isn’t around. I’d feel like I cheated.

Now that I have to stretch every bit of time that I have to myself, I seem to be getting a lot more done. I’ve picked up my love for reading again thanks to the long commute to work — currently reading The Time Traveller’s Wife because this is one book I want to read every word of before I see the movie. I’d just hate myself if I didn’t!

What little things have you learned to treasure?

Picture success. Your dreams coming true, small changes in the world like a clockwork shifting so that things finally fall into place for you. Maybe you’ve won the lottery, or you’ll be offered an amazing opportunity.

Those sweet, sweet moments will inevitably be accompanied by a few bitter souls who feel the need to inform you that it “isn’t that amazing”, or that they’ve “already been there” or “they’re past that stage”, whatever that all means. As always, our favorite jealousy cliché is unfortunately ever present.

It’s something about self esteem — we do whatever it takes to preserve it, and, as it goes, haters will always hate. They’re not hurting your self esteem, they’re trying to help theirs by stepping over you. It becomes tiring because some of these people just keep on pushing it to get some sort of validation, and it takes a lot of patience to dismiss them and to stay classy while you’re at it!

1. It doesn’t matter if they’ve had something similar happen before with bad results because guess what — they’re not you! They may not possess the same psychological tools to confront difficult situations, so no matter how similar the experience, you’ll be going about it differently.
2. Obviously the experience will never be exact because your situation is not the same either! Just because they failed doesn’t mean you will. The fact that anyone would try to connect their failures to you alone is a big warning sign.
3. Be realistic and basically take everyone’s input (both positive and negative) with a grain of salt. Stay grounded.
4. Don’t spend too much time analyzing what everyone says, as that is energy you’ll need to put into your plans and dreams and success.
5. Judge the opportunity/success as it applies to you. If this opportunity or event is what success is for you, who is anyone else to say that it’s not enough? Things in life will only have the value you give them.
6. On a similar note, a small setback will only be as big as you allow it to be. Be wary of whose “advice” you heed.  It’s one thing to give advice and it’s a whole other thing to try to close doors. If any doors need to be closed, make sure you’re the one doing the closing.
7. Keep your focus. After all it’s your life and you’re choosing how to live it every second. If everything you do is based on someone else’s judgement, then isn’t that a bit like living their life?
8. Don’t give out too many details about your projects, what you hope to get from this amazing opportunity etc. This will only invite people to judge and criticize. Everyone seems to feel entitled to comment on everyone’s life nowadays, eh? The more you keep to yourself, the less they’ll be able to discuss.
9. That said, know who you can trust. Make these people your allies, and go to them in times of doubt. As with anything else in life, nobody can pull through entirely on their own. We are social beings and as such we need a good support system sometimes too!
10. Go for it. If it’s what you want, if the curiosity is killing you, if you just want to take a risk, then do it. You can be the judge of whether or not it was the right choice yourself.

So sugardrop, what do you do to stay afloat when everyone seems to be trying to drown you?

P.S — Sorry for my absence! I’ve begun working six days a week so it’s taking a little while to adjust. But I haven’t forgotten you all ;)!

When I was 12, I became obsessed with BonneBell lipgloss and Bath & Bodyworks glitter. They were my life. That’s as far as my makeup ideas went, and I loved it! Throughout middle school and highschool I got more into it, but not as a daily kind of thing. Perhaps it was because I felt a bit stupid wearing makeup and a uniform, and I didn’t think school was that important to get dressed up for anyway. But then I broke free of that and realized that HEY! If done right, makeup can be amazing!

The way I see it, makeup is there to enhance your features, whether it’s a bright or subtle look you’re going for. The only time it can get really, really bad, is when used as a mask (and I mean literally!). I guess the first step is recognizing and accepting that you are already beautiful without it, whether you’re a fair skinned beauty with green eyes and exquisite red locks or you’re darker with deep black eyes and amazing dark curls. There’s something suitable for every skin tone and every eye-color, so go with what you have instead of trying to work against it!

I wear makeup because by playing up my best features, I get an extra kick of confidence in me. I wear it because I think it’s fun to change looks once in a while, always going for something that defines me and that I feel good in. I’m not afraid to wear loud red lips if the occasion is right, but I also have no problem leaving the house ‘fresh faced’ with just a touch of lipgloss! It is by no means a necessary part of my routine, although I’m going through a phase where I just want to try and experiment with new products and colors. I find it incredibly interesting and fun!

What do you think about makeup? Why do you or don’t you wear it?

I’m going to be 100% honest here — I’m not an early riser. Anyone that sees me up before 9 a.m. has only seen me make a quick trip to the washroom or for some water. I’m not talking about waking up at lunch time either, but I know that if I were to wake up at 6 every morning, I’d probably not get much done because my mind is hardly awake by then. This is why heading for an 8 o’clock class can be so incredibly exhausting for some of us, not to mention the amount of information that my brain fails to retain is somewhere near monumental at those times.

So I have to work around that. I do go to all of my classes (not without some coffee in me), and I listen and take notes, not bothering trying to make sense of anything, especially when it involves the early philosophies and beginnings of psychology. I know that I’m at my best in the afternoon, so I go over those notes with an open mind and actually sit down to understand them.

Some people can’t seem to get anything done unless it’s midnight, and others would not know what to do with themselves in bed past 7 a.m. AND THAT IS FINE! We need to step away from the strict early riser mindset, because it isn’t for everyone. It’s one thing to become an early riser if you believe it will provide you more energy for the rest of the day, or it’s part of your exercise routine. But waking up earlier for the sole purpose of doing doesn’t mean you’ll be any more productive; it can be quite the opposite if you aren’t at your best in the morning and end up wasting all that time just trying to function, and then you’ll just be frustrated and feel uninspired. Why not start things when you know you’ll be able to do it best?

In this step, find out when during the day you are at your best to take on different challenges. At the beginning of the year, for psychobiology, we determined our biorhythm by measuring a few things. Some people don’t believe in it, but it couldn’t hurt to try it out right? To find out, just do the following for the next five days:

1. Pick a time interval that will allow you to repeat each step 4 times each day (E.g. every 4 hours.)
2. Temperature: take your temperature at the time and record it. When you look at your results, a change in 0,5 might seem insignificant but it is not!
3. Heart rate: record your heart rate at the time as well.
4. Time: put a timer and without looking at it, estimate when you think a minute has gone by. Stop the timer and record the time it was running (it doesn’t matter how close you are/aren’t to the exact minute!)
5. Record how you are feeling at that moment (E.g. exhausted, excited, apathetic…)

So if I chose a time interval of 4 hours and I started at 8 a.m., at 8 a.m. I would measure my temperature and heart rate; I would then estimate a minute in time and write down how I’m feeling. Take a look at your results. Generally, body temperature and heart rate will be highest at your most alert times. Regarding time, your estimates should fall below the actual minute when you are most activated (higher heart rate and temperature), and the opposite should happen when you are less so. Don’t forget to take into account how you were feeling at the time as well!

This is a rough guide but it will help you define when more or less you are most alert during the day! Once you’ve figured it out, try working on your projects at that time and see if it works for you.

So sugardrop, will you give this a go? At which time during the day do you think you are at your best?

The importance of self grooming

Let’s be completely honest with ourselves here. When you know nothing about a person, the only thing you have to go on are looks. So yes! Looks are definitely important. The way a person chooses to wear their hair, makeup, clothes etc. is your first hint about them. Starting from top to bottom:

• Hair should be washed and properly styled for whatever look you’re going for. Don’t try a technique for the very first time on the actual day! You have no time for potential disasters.
• Eyebrows need to be groomed. No but’s. So get tweezing and trimming (though ideally this would have happened the day before). Fill them in with an appropriate shade if needed; do whatever you need to do so they look taken care of.
• Makeup must be appropriate for the occasion. It’s best to try to go with a natural look as much as possible; you don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard. Neutrals on the eyes with a pop of lip color and you’re good to go! I’d say steer away from fake lashes and liquid liner. To help you out: (WARNING! may cause addiction! If you are ok with that, subscribe to Pixiwoo, you won’t regret it.)

• Any trace of mustache shall be waxed, immediately! (Or bleached) You don’t want any detail, no matter how minute, to make you feel uncomfortable or selfconscious.
• Teeth must be brushed, obviously. If your teeth are just a bit yellowy by nature, you can go with some whitestrips the day before. You’ll want to flash those pearly whites every chance you get!
• Nails should be taken care of. Ideally you’ll have a manicure done, whether it is with or sans color is up to you. Moisturize them. To help you out: an easy nail routine from lacquerized.com! The entire site is a goldmine for anything nail related.
• If your feet will be showing, these too shall be properly groomed! There is nothing more unsightly than peeling bits and longer than desired toenails on display…

Do whatever you have to to look polished. Now is when details are amplified to the max, so don’t overlook them.

Proper attire

Really think about this one. Think about what most people will be wearing, first. Decide on an outfit that adheres to the dress code but that allows you to show your individual taste and personality as well! Most importantly, choose something you feel sexy and comfortable in. That will give you 50% of the confidence you need!

There is no ‘fashionably late’

Coming from a person who is perpetually late to everything, I advise you to watch your time! Arrive early to avoid making the person wait. Being on time shows that you are interested, that you didn’t leave everything til the last minute (like I tend to do…), and helps you avoid having to make unlikely excuses which your company will be less than thrilled to hear about.
To help you out: How to Get Ready in 10 Minutes, Looking Decent on No Sleep.

Body language

Your body language often says more than anything coming out of your mouth. The two main things:

• Posture! Slouching only informs the world of how insecure you are walking through, or how tired and unwilling you might be (or appear to be!). Walking straight will just ooze elegant, not to mention enhance your top assets and hide that rebel tummy.
• Hands. The big question is always: where do I put my hands? Whatever you do, do not put them inside any pockets and do not cross your arms! Keep them away from your face/hair and dress. If it’s a cocktail party, grab a drink. If it’s dinner, you’re saved!

If you tend to be clumsy (like me), don’t be afraid to make light of your spilling your drink or dropping a bit of salad. Being able to make fun of yourself a little will not only show how confident you are, but it will also show that in spite of being so confident you are not up yourself, which is always a plus ;) To help you out: How To Eat Tricky Foods.

Small talk

Do:

• Introduce yourself with a smile
• Ask pertinent questions that you actually want to know the answer to
• Give your own answer to said question
• Look the speaker in the eye
• Smile throughout the conversation to let the person know you are enjoying it (if it is pertinent of course!)
• Speak about subjects you know a lot about

Don’t:

• Talk about the weather
• Dive into political debates
• Ramble on about yourself
• Make up random facts or talk about astrophysics if it isn’t your forte; just be honest. If something is brought up that you don’t know a lot about or haven’t heard of, just say it! You won’t look as stupid as if you pretend you know what they’re on about and then have no clue how to answer a specific question or how to give your opinion on the matter.
• Forget your thankyou’s and please’s
• Say no when offered something; sometimes people use these as icebreakers and a no would just make the next step incredibly awkward…if you want to be polite about it, you can always say something like “Yes I’ll have a bit of that thank you!”. Adding “a bit” or “a little” instantly makes everything sound nicer, doesn’t it?
• If you aren’t speaking in your first language, don’t be afraid to have a bit of your accent come through! It can only be cute ;)

What are your tips for making the best first impression?