LEMON SODA

It might be cheesy, but it is so true: real, true friends are not easy to come across. Luckily for me, I have found a few along the way (Caroline if you’re reading, you’re definitely in there x). We’ve seen each other at our best, at our worst, our silliest or most embarrassing moments. This is an ode to them, for being there despite our being scattered all over the world. It isn’t always easy to keep in touch due to time difference and busy university life, but no matter how long it’s been since we last met for a coffee date, with them it feels no longer than a day. How do you keep your friendships alive? It is obvious that in any relationship things unfold as they’re meant to, but I always feel a little effort should be put into them.

Tell them how much they mean to you
Go ahead and be cheesy! This might be easier to do in writing, or paint them something, send them something in the mail. Just let them know you appreciate them at all times.

“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.” — Helen Keller

Listen
Listen to what they have to say, but actually listen. It might seem silly to you, them gushing about a boyfriend or coming to you after their billionth argument. But if they have chosen you to confide in, that means something. It means it is important to them and they are sharing it with someone they trust. Sometimes listening doesn’t require a full list of suggestions of what you would do, sometimes just being there for them to let it out is enough.

Be honest
If there is something great about true friends is that you can be honest. Tell them what you’re thinking, what’s bothering you. Don’t try to hide something because they will either see through it or find out eventually (they are your best friend…)

“I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don’t judge
The people I trust the most, people whose friendship I value the most, have never judged me. I feel like I can tell them anything; something I feel stupid about doing, or scared or embarrassed about. Even if you disagree with something they’re doing, let them know you’ll still be around.

Forgive and forget
Don’t hold grudges. I remember once I had a fallout with a close friend and we didn’t speak for the rest of the school year. Then we realized that didn’t get us anywhere; I sent her an email and we both agreed we had been pretty stupid. When it comes to good friends, swallowing up your own pride over who’s right and who’s wrong is important sometimes. Apologize and accept their apologies. Move on.

Don’t cancel on them
Sometimes life gets in the way and you have to cancel on people. If it isn’t essential, don’t cancel on your friends. If you aren’t feeling up for it then let them know honestly but be sure to reschedule. Best friends are like a second family, don’t put them aside.

“Go often to the house of thy friend, for weeds choke the unused path.”  — Ralph Waldo Emerson

K.I.T!
Keep in touch! Typical phrase found in every senior’s yearbook. Actually keep in touch with friends no matter how far away or close they are. It’s funny how nowadays it’s so much easier, what with facebook, e-mail, skype, blogs etc., and yet we still put it off. For me, I have to actually sit down for a while to be able to write out exactly what I’m thinking and to keep them up to date. Skype is amazing, but time difference is not. For whatever reason keeping in touch is harder than it seems, but if the friendship is strong, even the longest time without speaking will not be enough to extinguish it. Plan trips where you can all meet up again and actually catch up face to face; there’s nothing better than that.

“Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with.” — Mark Twain

The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. — Carl Jung

You’re going to be getting ready for a fabulous party, and you are the guest of honor. Think about your grand entrance! What will people think as you walk in? Which parts of yourself will you show as they get to know you?
♥ Sit down with yourself for a moment; be honest and think about whatever (the good, the funny, the bad, the awkward) makes you you and not someone else.

In your skin
Ok, we all have insecurities to a certain degree — a freckle, our derrière not fitting into something, a slightly crooked nose. There is always someone who will remind us of these any chance they get, and that someone is more often than not ourselves. What’s happening on the inside has a way of manifesting itself outside, so if you walk into a room and expect everyone to be dazzled, you cannot do so with slouching shoulders, doubting your own beauty and ‘essence’. But before dazzling a room of strangers you must be able to dazzle yourself; it does not matter what size you wear or how tan you are(n’t), it only matters how you feel about it.

♥ Sit down and jot down things you are not comfortable with and things you love about yourself. No bullets! Complete sentences including why (Did someone make a rude comment about it before? Does your style icon have something you feel you don’t?) Read it back to yourself. Most likely you’re being too harsh, and instantly you’ll find things that you can live with — cross these out. Whatever is left is still a part of you, so you’ll have to work with it! Is it something that some exercise and healthy eating can change? If it isn’t, what can you do to ‘make it work’ for you? (Yes I did just steal Tim Gunn’s line.) These things take time, so while you grow comfortable in your own skin, find ways to celebrate what you do feel good about: wear a cute skirt to emphasize your legs, pull your hair back so your beautiful eyes can show through, get your nails done! It’s OK to believe the compliments you get, so do it. Be positive and kind with your body because you don’t have a spare one in your closet, and ultimately confidence is the most beautiful accessory. Make sure you wear a smile whenever possible, and you are well on the way to loving yourself more.

Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting. — William Shakespeare

In your mind
So if the outside is a manifestation of the inside, we need to take a closer look at what our busy minds are getting up to. There are many traits that are worked into our personalities, some of which we may not even be aware of until someone points them out. But in the quiet of our momentary solitude, while we pick out the appropriate attire for this fanciful event we’re attending, we can reflect for a moment.
♥ First and foremost, try to eliminate any self criticism and do not compare yourself to others. You may admire someone for how outgoing they seem, but were they given a chance they might find themselves admiring your effortless poise. From now on bring forth the best in you and surround yourself with people who do the same.
♥ Trust yourself more.
♥ Be fair to yourself. Know when you have done wrong and recognize when you have put in your best efforts despite the outcome of a situation. There is no point in punishing yourself; just be honest and know where you stand.
♥ Accept your quirks, mannerisms, your randomness. Polish up any negative attitudes and as always, focus on your best. The rest will follow.

Don’t forget to love yourself. — Soren Kierkegaard

In your life
♥ Compliment people (only if you mean it.)
♥ Stay away from gossip, and be wary of those who do it because you never know what they might be saying were you not present.
♥ Avoid conflicts if you can, they only bring negative energy. It’s not about ‘taking the higher road’, it’s about figuring a problem out without resorting to any sort of name calling or agitation. Sometimes it’s good to put feelings aside and agree to disagree — done.
♥ Be thankful not only for what you have been given but also to the people that surround you, no matter how small their deed; make sure they do not go unnoticed.
♥ Do things you’re good at! Emphasize your talents. If (like me) you are not sure that you even have any, try something you’ve always liked and see where it goes!
♥ Have fun. This is essential.

That should get you on your way! If you’re still worried about that big entrance, you could follow our friend’s advice over here, I say he’s definitely got the right idea:

Look at a star in the sky
not as something unreachable
but as a planet you would visit one day.
— 100 Acorns

anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn’t he danced his did

Women and men(both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn’t they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone’s any was all to her

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)they
said their nevers they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.

Women and men(both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

— e.e cummings

We are of the universe, a galaxy of thoughts, of happiness and mystery, love, anger. We are a mosaic of eclectic crystals, sometimes an artist, others a bit of a diva, maybe a dreamer. People often feel that being one way automatically cancels out  some other part of their personality, when really there is no clear cut between black and white; there are millions of colors and shades that make us the way we are! (And I am not just saying this because I happen to be a walking contradiction…) This pours through every aspect of our life, our moods, our clothes, the way we decorate our home, those little things we love to do with the people we most cherish.

And remember, no matter where you go, there you are. — Confucius

It isn’t about labeling yourself, because labels confine your identity to one sole mass based on popular stereotypes, and while a few people do feel like they belong to a certain category (i.e. the way music might be in a specific genre), it all comes down to attitude, your tendencies, the part of ‘you’ that remains even as time passes. You might have a tendency to be quiet, yet around friends you are out going and the life of the party. That’s fine. Maybe you love the vintage look but on a Friday night you go all out, Poker Face style. That’s fine too. Your ‘essence’ will remain no matter how your mood/the stage of life you find yourself in determines what you wear or how you act. It is about knowing more about your ‘self’, being comfortable in your own skin (and being comfortable does not mean becoming static; there is always room for experimenting and trying out new things which may or may not work for you).

Of course it is definitely easier said than done. Many of us aren’t even sure of what our ‘self’ comprises entirely. This shouldn’t become an identity struggle, but rather just a reminder to be aware that we do not need to be constant with absolutely everything, that we are changing (the way that you can’t step into a flowing river twice), and to nurture every part of our inward being.

From my own self, I have identified the six parts that make up my essence for now, so to speak. Though they are and will be forever changing there are certain aspects of them that will always remain:

1. The Dreamer: She is looking for change, ways to improve her life and experience. Sets goals and seeks motivation to get them, trying (though very hard sometimes) to keep a positive attitude. May find herself up in the clouds from time to time, but if there is a will there is a way.
2. The Meditator: She is contemplative, keeps her surroundings in mind and always imagines the what ifs. Driven by curiosities, both big and small, she wants to learn and keep learning.
3. They Gypsy: She is spiritual without committing to any one specific religion, instead taking the best of each. Of the Earth, tries to find balance between the materialistic and the spiritual. Importance of mental health and spiritual well-being.
4. The Lover: She loves herself first, including all eccentricities, physical imperfections (though she battles with The Diva at times). A lover of everything that comprises life: the people, the places, the experiences. Forgives herself, finds a way to live with not-so-great decisions so that she may have better judgement next time around.
5. The Diva: Adds that little bit of drama. Everything superficial, indulges in shopping and little greedy wants. She is strong willed, quiet but stubborn. One day on top and the next hoping to blend into the walls, versatile, indecisive, jealous.
6. The Artificer: Loves to create, imagine. She is a perfectionist and very impatient, which is why she needs a little extra push for some projects (driven by The Dreamer)

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Which parts make your ‘self’? Do you tend to be constant in behavior, or are you a bit of a contradiction like me?