Often we are under the impression that certain people are superior, unreachable. We forget that we are all humans, each with our own faults and strengths, so when it comes to trying to approach said holier individuals we crumble under nerves and fear of rejection and ridicule. It’s a self preservation thing, and we all do it!

So how do you approach these people, break the ice and hold a conversation without feeling like a fool/embarrassed/inadequate/Bridget Jones?

Your opening line

First and foremost, find something to say. Who is this person? What may you have in common? For one, you’re in the same place. Maybe you both know the host, or you both opted for the assorted sushi instead of the mini burgers. Whatever it is, make sure you say it like you mean it.

The art of smiling

Don’t give your smile away right off the bat. After your initial brief introduction, wait a moment and take in the situation. Allow them to do the same and to reply — even if it’s just a “Hi”. Then flash your warmest, brightest smile at them.  It will make them feel acknowledged, like you genuinely want to stick around even if it means getting through a bit of painful small talk first.

Eye contact

Look them straight in the eye as you speak. Not only does it show respect, it shows you’re both on the same level. You have something to say and they want to listen.

Converse

Remember that you are holding a conversation, which means they should be doing some of the talking too! Be interested in what they say and ask pertinent questions (only if you are actually interested in knowing the answer!). Don’t get into heavy political debates; touch lightly on any subject that comes up while still letting your personality show through of course! If you want to win them instantly, all you have to do is talk about their favorite subject: THEM! Start with that ;)

Just remember to be your usual amazing self, that is always most important!

How would you approach someone that slightly intimidates you?

Picture success. Your dreams coming true, small changes in the world like a clockwork shifting so that things finally fall into place for you. Maybe you’ve won the lottery, or you’ll be offered an amazing opportunity.

Those sweet, sweet moments will inevitably be accompanied by a few bitter souls who feel the need to inform you that it “isn’t that amazing”, or that they’ve “already been there” or “they’re past that stage”, whatever that all means. As always, our favorite jealousy cliché is unfortunately ever present.

It’s something about self esteem — we do whatever it takes to preserve it, and, as it goes, haters will always hate. They’re not hurting your self esteem, they’re trying to help theirs by stepping over you. It becomes tiring because some of these people just keep on pushing it to get some sort of validation, and it takes a lot of patience to dismiss them and to stay classy while you’re at it!

1. It doesn’t matter if they’ve had something similar happen before with bad results because guess what — they’re not you! They may not possess the same psychological tools to confront difficult situations, so no matter how similar the experience, you’ll be going about it differently.
2. Obviously the experience will never be exact because your situation is not the same either! Just because they failed doesn’t mean you will. The fact that anyone would try to connect their failures to you alone is a big warning sign.
3. Be realistic and basically take everyone’s input (both positive and negative) with a grain of salt. Stay grounded.
4. Don’t spend too much time analyzing what everyone says, as that is energy you’ll need to put into your plans and dreams and success.
5. Judge the opportunity/success as it applies to you. If this opportunity or event is what success is for you, who is anyone else to say that it’s not enough? Things in life will only have the value you give them.
6. On a similar note, a small setback will only be as big as you allow it to be. Be wary of whose “advice” you heed.  It’s one thing to give advice and it’s a whole other thing to try to close doors. If any doors need to be closed, make sure you’re the one doing the closing.
7. Keep your focus. After all it’s your life and you’re choosing how to live it every second. If everything you do is based on someone else’s judgement, then isn’t that a bit like living their life?
8. Don’t give out too many details about your projects, what you hope to get from this amazing opportunity etc. This will only invite people to judge and criticize. Everyone seems to feel entitled to comment on everyone’s life nowadays, eh? The more you keep to yourself, the less they’ll be able to discuss.
9. That said, know who you can trust. Make these people your allies, and go to them in times of doubt. As with anything else in life, nobody can pull through entirely on their own. We are social beings and as such we need a good support system sometimes too!
10. Go for it. If it’s what you want, if the curiosity is killing you, if you just want to take a risk, then do it. You can be the judge of whether or not it was the right choice yourself.

So sugardrop, what do you do to stay afloat when everyone seems to be trying to drown you?

P.S — Sorry for my absence! I’ve begun working six days a week so it’s taking a little while to adjust. But I haven’t forgotten you all ;)!

When coming up with an action plan to reach our goals, it’s likely that we will adopt a logical start to finish approach; after identifying our ultimate goal, we’ll start from our current situation and list the steps necessary to get to it. What about trying it from end to start? It hardly seems like the most reasonable option, but it’s a process that can give you a different perspective on what you need to get done.

1. Identify your ultimate objective. Be as specific as you’d like.
2. Identify the step that would immediately precede you successfully ataining said objective.
3. List out all the steps before that.

Working this way has one key advantage:  from the beginning you are visualizing the end goal. Everything you list going from point B to point A will encompass that final vision. Reading over your action plan will be no different than reading the start to finish approach, but it is the process that might help you think of other possible milestones/obstacles to overcome that a lineal way of thinking might not! I’ve done this for my next big goal and although it’s been a bit harder to wrap my head around it’s proven useful.

Some other tips to help you:

• Regardless of your preferred process, remember to always leave room for the unexpected! Think of obstacles that might pop up during the way and how you might work your way around/through them.
• Write active and positive affirmations; begin each step with “By… I will have completed…” or “By… I will… “.
• Don’t skip over any steps, no matter how little they seem! Noting every step of the way will only simplify your life. Maybe there is someone that can help you with a particular bit — write down the need to contact them! Will it be an email? A call? What will you say? All of these things matter.
• Think of the gains and losses you might encounter.
• Keep your strengths in mind, and work them into your action plan.
• Be realistic and honest with yourself! Don’t be impatient; allow yourself enough time to get to every step.

I’ve just planned out my biggest goal to date, and although it wasn’t easy, it was exciting AND scary to think about! Ch-ch-ch-ch-changessss…! If you’re serious about something, put good thought to it and then just go for it!

What are your goal-setting tips? Do you tend to act on impulse or think things through when it comes to big decisions? I’d love to know!

So money doesn’t equal happiness, but it definitely helps! Whether you are a student, or the economy has got you by the throat, or you’d just like to have more freedom to splurge on certain things (like shoes), you must learn the art of budgeting. Of course this varies from person to person, so you’ll have to develop your own plan. Some tips to get you started:

Shopping for clothes

• Always, ALWAYS try it on. It may not fit you like it does the mannequin. If after trying it on you’re still not sure, drop it. If there is ever any doubt, don’t buy it!
• Try shopping by outfit. If I see an outfit online that I like, I have no shame in printing it out and taking it in my bag to recreate it. Same goes with magazines! Using something like Polyvore can help you visualize how many outfits can be created around a single piece — use it to your advantage. You can also look for pieces you already own to see how you could spice them up and breathe new life into them.
• Don’t buy incredibly trendy things. One or two are fine, but if your entire wardrobe consists of a trend, you might find yourself needing an entire new one come next season. Have a variety of classic pieces, basics, and trendy.
• Know when sales begin and show up bright and early to get the goods! It is terryfying how a €10 dress was €50 just two weeks earlier! Be savvy and quick, and you’ll get all those beautiful clothes for half the price.
• That said, just because something is €3 doesn’t mean you should buy it. For me, when it comes to shoes, coats and makeup, spending more goes a long way. It’s the same with clothes, but sometimes the price/quality ratio doesn’t match and so you’ll have a cheap looking dress with a €60 pricetag. It’s a lot of shopping around and trying things out!

Out and about

• When buying groceries make sure you are neither stuffed nor hungry. Otherwise you will either miss out things you need or buy the entire cookie aisle. Stick to a list and everything will be under control. Also don’t shun the generic brands! Try them out once or twice and you’ll find that sometimes they’re as good, if not better, than popular brands. One of my favorite things in the world is yoghurt; my supermarket has a nice selection so I always try different ones. I used to stick to Danone, but decided to try a more generic brand that costs half the price…turns out they are creamier and more true to the fruit they’re supposed to taste like.
• If you are a student, take advantage of student discounts. Always have your student card ready and don’t be afraid to ask if you can use it!
• Try to cut back on dining out, but if you MUST (like me), then explore your city and find small restaurants. Often the coziest places are hidden away in a little corner and aren’t as expensive. Though sometimes they can turn out to be even more expensive, so just make sure you take a look at the menu before you sit down!

Saving & making extra money

• Alright, here’s a very washed out and typical one: money jars. You know how there are always those annoying little coins rolling around the house? Drop them into a jar. Group them according to amount, and once you have round quantities off to the bank you go to have them exchanged! You’ll be amazed at how much money comes out of those little ones.
• Seriously consider whether there are any expensive habits you could cut down on, like eating out, smoking, dying your hair…
• Don’t use credit cards. Just don’t. Stick to cash or for bigger purchases use your debit card. That way you’ll never be worrying about anything you have to pay off later.
• Sell your things. If you don’t use it, didn’t even remember you had it, don’t like it — sell it!
• If you don’t work a 9-5 job/are a student, see how you can use your skills for some freelance work. Maybe you can tutor, babysit, sell art prints, design posters for local businesses…who knows!

I’ve already made a plan for myself, taking all of these into account. It’ll be hard to give up some things but it really helps you figure out where it’s best to put your money! I hope you guys give it a try, and let me know how it goes?

That said, what other tips do you guys have for saving up, making some extra money and just generally spending wisely?

First of all, know that you are some of the best company you’ll ever have. So take yourself out for a treat! There’s nothing like being alone with your thoughts — you can think whatever you like without worrying about hurting anyone’s feelings or causing controversy, you can daydream about where this summer might take you…If you are still unsure, try the following:

• Go somewhere you know so you’ll be familiar with what you’re ordering — no unpleasant surprises.
• Try to get a table near a window, for easy people watching and daydreaming!
• Make yourself comfortable. Good posture, no looking around anxiously. You’re having a meal, not waiting on the jury’s verdict.
• If you are at a cafe, try the book trick. I personally would just take it easy and be friendly with the staff at a restaurant.
• Make sure you’re looking good! Smile with your eyes, as you never know who might want to join you ;)

Once you’ve overcome the initial barrier, you’ll be more at ease facing the world on your own! Take yourself out for a movie, shopping and then sushi lunch! Although if you don’t like sushi (again, gasp!) you could go for something else I suppose.

What do you guys think about dining alone? Do you do it often?

A little unusual for Monday, yes: it’s the first day of hell week, shark week, whatever name you have found appropriate for your working days. For me, everything seems to go wrong on Mondays as I haven’t completely woken up from a blissful weekend full of fun and cake. I tend to forget things, drop everything, lose keys remotes and cellphones, as well as miss the bus. By the time I get home all I want to do is go to bed and let everything take care of itself. But preoccupying thoughts about looming exams and deadlines creep into my head, so I end up sitting around worrying and not being productive. Luckily for me I’ve found a few ways to disconnect (momentarily) so that I can charge back and own any and every obligation on my list.

1. Accept the fact that it is no longer the weekend and you are now required to wear appropriate attire instead of pj’s (or nothing, if you prefer your natural state of being while in the house.)
2. Breathe in. Whatever it is you need to do, you WILL get through it!
3. Grab your planner. If you don’t have one (gasp!), get yourself equipped! Look at your week and fill in things that need to be done by which day. If you are a little OCD like me, deadlines go in bright colors and are highlighted once taken care of.
4. Take a look. Is there anything you can finish today? Start with a few small tasks so that you can feel accomplished.
5. Once you have crossed off a few obligations, try starting on a bigger one. The aim isn’t to finish but to get the ball rolling so that starting tomorrow won’t seem like such a hassle.
6. Set a time by which you will stop working.
7. Once this time has come, drop everything and run into the shower. Get rid of all the germs you picked up at work and slip into your pjs (or stay naked, if you are so inclined.)
8. Sit back, have some dinner and rest your mind. Some light reading, bad TV or mindless internet surfing are some good alternatives. Sleep will get a hold of you, so don’t fight it. An early night will ensure a clearer head come Tuesday morning!

How do you guys fight the ‘Monday blues’?

The “R” factor, as my third grade teacher called it, is unfortunately the only way some people find to relate to others. It is impossible to steer away from the jealousy cliché, because it is one of the determining forces behind rudeness. Why are people rude? The possibilities are endless; it may spring from the need for self-validation, a bad day, a stressful situation, ignorance, prejudices…Whatever the reason, the key lies in your reaction to it.

Above all, remember that you are classy and polite; these are permanent conditions of your being, while temper is a passing state, so be wise about when to let it play a part. Knowing this will allow you to act accordingly.

Those who brag
A lot of the time, these people are trying to convince themselves of something — of being capable, talented, rich, what-have-you — and the only way to gain validation is to shout it to the world, especially to people who they feel cannot obtain the same thing they have. The best thing to do is to let them shout it out as loud as they want. Though very tempting, replying with irony will only result in them believing they have made you jealous, which will be another ‘win’ in their book. A simple reply will do.
Another reason for bragging is attention. A person who brags usually does so about something they know will generate a response: “WOW! How did you do that?!” “Where did you get it?! I want one!” “You’re sooo cool!”. Again, this attention is self-validating, it makes them feel important. Look for a smug look on their face or a smirk; if present, attention is most likely their objective. Don’t give it to them. A simple reply will do.

Those who belittle
Much like bragging, belittling brings the belittler a sense of power and importance. They have not found a way to be brilliant through self-merit and resort to trying to make others appear dull in comparison, so they will criticize everything from your looks, to your achievements, to your country. Basically anything that is attached to your persona is fair ground for bashing. Again, these don’t deserve more than a brief reply. Be polite, but don’t spend too much time around. Anyone who tries to make others feel like they are any less are too energy and time consuming so sticking around would not be the most interesting option.

Those who snap
Snapping is a milder form of rudeness, mainly because a lot of the time it is caused by physiological factors (sleep deprivation, hunger, pain…) so we find it easier to forgive. I snap, you snap, we all snap sometimes! The important thing here is letting the person know that they are being snappy without reason. Often it acts as a wake-up call and the person will stop. Otherwise (like for instance bitter customer service people), kill them with kindness. Being overly nice and genuine will catch them offguard and will make them feel slightly stupid at the very least.

Those who don’t appreciate
Giving should be done without expecting anything in return, but when I give I do expect a thank you, even if just out of courtesy. When I do give something, it is also because I imagine that the other person would have no problem doing something similar for me if the opportunity arose. A lot of people don’t have this sense of compromise though, which can be hurtful when it has taken a great deal of effort on your part. There is not much that can be done about this, except learn your lesson and refrain from putting any more effort into them.

Giving simple replies instead of ironic remarks does not equal to being passive and lame. If someone is truly out of line, demand respect, but do it with respect. “I only respect those who respect me” will only lead to more conflict and waste of energy. Simply call them out on it, and if it continues, remove them from your life entirely.

How do you guys deal with rude people?

Natural beauty

• It is picture day; the entire high school has woken up an hour early just to get their hair right and to practice in front of the mirror. BIG mistake. It was 9th grade and I was one such individual. Once the photographer tilted my head and rotated my body a thousand times, I let my rehearsed smile shine. The result: a fake smile, unruly hair and earrings hanging awkwardly in the wrong directions. The only year I actually looked decent, was the year I didn’t put any effort into it. Be natural, especially when smiling! Think of something funny enough to make you smile but not overly hilarious to make you scrunch your face awkwardly. Tip: A real smile can be seen not only in the mouth but in the eyes.
• Experiment, take self portraits if necessary. Find your best angle and play up to it in photos, but vary enough so that you aren’t pouting with your head tilted slightly at a 30 degree angle, hand on your hip in every single photo. Again, keep it natural and relaxed!
• Posture! No slouching allowed, as it will make your belly pop out, your neck shorter and your boobage saggy. I struggle with this one, mainly because slouching is my natural state of being. I’ve tried to correct it, but I give up way too easily. At least photos are an incentive to be more aware of it!
• Spontaneous photos tend to turn out the best, or at least are good at capturing the moment!

Little touchups

• I’m not one to edit photos on Photoshop, regardless of where my pimple was, mainly because I find it tedious and it makes my computer incredibly laggy. Instead, I propose tackling those little things before the photograph is taken.
• If your skin is slightly oilier than average, a few touchups with those little blotting papers should keep the shine out of your face in photos. I hear great wonders about pressed foundation as well but have never tried it myself! Any other tips to eliminate shine?
• Concealer for panda eyes and little pimples or scars works, but don’t cake it on as this will show even more.
• For a radiant smile make sure you take care of those pearly whites! Same for skin and hair. Personally I think hands well taken care of go a long way in completing a stunning look ;)
• Remember the closer your hands/feet are to the camera the larger they will appear!

The rest depends on your style and whether it lets your personality show through; Knowing how to dress for your shape is always essential, but I don’t believe that wearing patterns is necessarily bad if that is your style. If it works for you then it works, period!

What tricks do you have for looking better in photos?

Anticipating an outcome
If you crashed your dad’s car, you’ll be nervous as you walk through the door because you are anticipating that he will get angry. If you’re about to give a speech, you’ll be nervous that people won’t respond well to it or you’ll say something ridiculous and embarrass yourself. These thoughts are mental barriers we set up, and we get nervous as we find them hard to overcome; we anticipate a negative outcome even if there is the possibility of a positive one (for instance, job interviews). I don’t think there’s a surefire way to ‘overcome’ nerves, but there are ways to make them less intense.

When public speaking
This is probably one of the number one nerve-wracking situations for many. You’re about to give a speech to your entire class; everyone will be silent and the lights will catch any signs of nervousness. Generally you become more aware of your mannerisms because you feel observed, which will cause you to sway, or wonder where your hands should go, or whether you’re talking loud enough. To cope a little:

• Make sure you know what you’re going to say. Practice your speech out loud over and over like your life depends on it, changing things around a bit each time so that in case your PowerPoint messes up you know where to pick up the slack.
• Use an audience. Grab your parents, siblings or grandparents.
• Before the event (or class) begins, try standing around the front as people take their seats. This will help you familiarize with the space so that you can move around more freely.
• Take a deep breath as you get ready to say your first words. Start with a strong voice so you can follow in the same pattern. Make the audience believe in what you’re saying.
• Speak as though you were conversing; logical, bite sized sequence of events using natural language (not colloquial, but not extremely technical — specific enough to the subject area but easy enough that everyone understands.)
• Be interested in what you’re saying and you’ll bring your audience with you; rather than focusing on whether or not you said something right, they’ll be trying to grasp concepts and put ideas together.
• Once you’re done, think ‘that wasn’t so hard’. Remember this moment for your next speech!

When doing something for the first time
Skydiving. All your friends seem to have done it and they won’t stop raving about how amazing it is. If you’re deathly afraid of heights (like me), no amount of convincing will work on you; however if you’re naturally curious (though not exactly an adventure seeker) you might find yourself wanting to try this out. It’s your first time jumping off a plane though, and you are —with reason— scared as hell. In this case:

• Let it be known that you are nervous as hell. Communicate it to your friends who have done it, to the instructor and to the pilot if he’s around. You’ll get a biased response, but in this case you need all the positive feedback you can get: “It’s nothing!”, “You’re more likely to die from being struck by lightning”, “Nobody’s died from it — yet!”. You’ll still be scared as hell, but running these through your mind will help ease the tension (somewhat)
• Know how to get out of it in case of an emergency. In skydiving, if your chute doesn’t open you might be in big trouble (that’s probably an understatement.) But say you’ve decided to go rock climbing and get stuck somewhere. Make sure you know what you need to do to get out!
• Think about the risk and weigh it against the benefits. If it’s your first time asking someone out, think of the possible consequences. Worst case scenario: you’ll be rejected. Will you die? No. Will you be hurt? Most likely. But if they say yes, will it be the best decision you ever made? Then go for it.

When taking an exam
You have a huge final on Monday. It will determine whether or not you graduate, and again, you are nervous as hell.

• Nerves will only block your mind, and in this case they will arise from uncertainty. So you need to start by making sure you understand the material. Reading over your notes 15 times will not help if you still don’t understand how protein synthesis works. Break down the information until you understand it, and then connect ideas and new concepts; this way, even if you don’t remember minute details in the happenings, you’ll still be able to tell the whole story.
• EAT! I used to think this was a silly cliche, but it kind of seems obvious that if energy is required to process thoughts, and energy comes from food, then eating is a smart choice. Glucose is especially important in brain processes and is used up faster in the brain than anywhere else in the body. So have a hearty breakfast and a chocolate bar on your way to the exam and get thinking!
• Right before the exam, if you really feel there’s so much information in your brain that it might fall out, jot it all down on the margins before you even look at the questions. This way your thoughts won’t be tainted by tricky wordings and you can refer back to them if they come up.
• Divide your time, otherwise you might find yourself chewing away at your pencil until you realize time’s almost up. If it takes more than 5 minutes, leave it for later and move on.
• Read everything twice. Once you’ve answered, read over everything once more. Make sure you haven’t been tricked and that you actually answered the question! Nerves can make you read words that aren’t there, turn negative numbers into positives or even make you think that the entire question is a trick.
• When you come out, DON’T talk about the answers with your peers!! Everyone does this, it’s natural, we want to know how we did compared to the rest of the class and knowing that someone else put a for the first question makes us feel more secure. But if you find that your answers are completely different to everyone’s you’re likely to think you probably failed, when sometimes it may mean that you were the only one to actually answer right. Then you’ll just be thinking about it and feeling terrible until the official results come out.

When approaching someone
A lot of times we want to complain, or ask someone for directions, or just talk in a crowded cocktail party. For some reason we are embarrassed, and can’t bring ourselves to do it.

• Firstly, remember people are only fellow human beings. They’ve also needed help at some point or wanted to complain that the fries are too salty. If you are nice about it there’s no reason why they won’t help you out.
• Don’t over-think it. You’re at some event for a book that just launched and you find yourself alone. Instead of hanging over by the punch, go over to someone else. It may be easier to break the ice with someone who is also alone, or maybe two people. I don’t know about you, but if I’m also roaming around alone and someone comes up to me, I’ll be more thankful than annoyed.
• Classic advice: if you want to be interesting, be interested. Ask genuine questions, reply with personal experiences or simply comment a bit on their answer.
• Tip: if you aren’t speaking in your first language and can’t find a crucial word, say it fast in your own language. This way, the op will think they either misunderstood or don’t know the word. At the risk of sounding stupid, it is unlikely that they’ll ask you what it means, but if they do, just innocently say it again (in your language) and tell them that’s how you say it in your country.

When making an important call
I’m not a phone person; I don’t even like calling for pizza, but sometimes you can’t avoid it.

• If you have to call someone important, or have something important to say but know your nerves will get in the way, the best thing to do is to write down key points you want to touch upon. Keep them in sight as you’re talking to the person. Before you dial, rehearse how you’ll greet them and lead into the conversation. The good thing about phones is the other person won’t see your panicked face, or your pacing back and forth as you try to calm the nerves.

In the end, it all comes down to feeling under prepared (and therefore less confident) for a certain situation; prepare well and visualize success. Think of the moment the struggle is done and what you can gain from it. Life goes on whether you want it to or not, and even if it doesn’t end up being what you had envisioned it to be, it’ll still be Friday, and Saturday, and Sunday. By Monday you will barely remember the feeling, so get over it and try again!

What makes you nervous and how do you cope? Any strategies to help us calm down in the face of fear?