LEMON SODA

Happy Monday everyone!

I came accross 10 Sure-Fire Ways to Be a Complete Failure at Everything the other day, and decided to write my own take on it as I don’t particularly agree with everything mentioned there. The list according to the author and my thoughts:

1. Chase Other People’s Dreams: I agree with this one. Anything you set out to do in life, do it because it means something YOU.
2. Start 17 Projects, Finish None: Disagree. Sometimes you need to dabble a bit in several things before you realize what you’re truly looking for. I wouldn’t call that failing, just taking a bit longer to find your own way. Of course good thought needs to go into each project before you go ahead and spend all your savings in getting the right tools, only to find out it’s not your thing!
3. Give Up When It Gets Tough: Yes. Nothing will ever be completely smooth sailing, so the true test of how much you want it lies in how much you’re willing to stand through for it. If you always quit when things get rough, you’re not likely to get very far.
4. Persist At All Costs: Also true. Knowing when there’s nothing left to do and when to jump out of a project is also important; but only when you’re sure that the costs have been outweighing the benefits long enough and not just because it feels like going a little uphill.
5. Never Ask For Help: Agreed. No matter what your studies or qualifications, we all could use a helping hand now and then. Don’t be afraid to ask for it — the worst that could happen is that it might be denied to you.
6. Trample On Other People: True. Society is incredibly competitive nowadays, we could benefit from trying to work together rather than trying to push each other over the edge. That said, it doesn’t mean you can’t think of ways to make your projects and efforts stand out from your competition! Just play a clean game.
7. Never Say No: Also agree. Keep your best interests in mind, and know when to decline an offer or request. Be polite, but stand your ground!
8. Be Disorganized: Big one. It’s not about having a tidy desk and neat handwriting; it’s about keeping track of everything, paying bills on time and having some sort of outlined action plan. If you’re on top of everything you’re more likely to know which areas are weaker and could use your attention.
9. Stay In Your Comfort Zone: Not always true. Sometimes people succeed at doing what they know best, which could well be something they’ve known since birth. I think breaking out of your comfort zone will ensure bigger things and broader outlooks, something that staying confined in it will never offer; but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll fail. It all just depends on where you’re aiming.
10. Procrastinate: Not always true either. I’m a huge procrastinator! Am I a huge failure then? No, and neither are all the huge procrastinators I know. Some of us work better under the added pressure of a looming deadline. As long as you do what needs to be done within that deadline and you aren’t disrupting any other process in the project, then by all means, work at your own pace! Sitting around procrastinating is obviously not the most effective way to go about anything, but it doesn’t make you a failure either.

Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. The way you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are. — Norman Vincent Peale

I came up with a list of my own of what I truly think could result in failure:

1. Doubt yourself
   “But I’m not ___ enough to do that”, “I don’t have ___ so I can’t do it”, “I can’t”. All these thoughts can only contribute to one thing: failure. It might even hinder you from taking on an exciting project because you believe you can’t. You are the first person that needs to believe in your abilities, even if it takes some encouraging from someone else. As soon as you realize your own value and what you can put on the table, you’ll have enough drive and motivation to push through (as cheesy as that may sound). Be realistic about what you can do, but know that you can add to your repertoire at any time you want.
2. Let other people’s beliefs of what YOU can do alter your thought
   This is a big one! There will always be people who’ll want to put you down, simply because they wish they’d come up with your idea sooner, or because they’ve tried something similar and failed so they want to let you know you won’t be able to do it either. Don’t even try to understand why they’d go out of their way to make you feel incompetent; just don’t let it infiltrate your thoughts and stain your motivation. Just acknowledge that they will always be there, almost like a test, but that is all; they have no power over what you know you can do.
3. Relate your possible success to past experiences
   Failing in the past does not mean you’ll fail this time around; your motivation might be different, your economic/health situation might have changed…the number of factors that play a part in possible success are never the same at any given moment in time. That said, just because you’ve succeeded in every project so far doesn’t mean you’ll also succeed this time around (though it can be a good indicator if the conditions are similar). Know this but don’t let it hinder you.
4. Set unrealistic goals
   As I mentioned above, you need to keep your current condition in mind before approaching anything. Be realistic in your approach and know how much effort and time it will take to get from A to B. If there is a huge gap, take it into account! It doesn’t mean you won’t be able to get to where you need to be, it just means it’ll take longer were your conditions different.
5. Set unclear goals
   Unclear goals are just as bad as unrealistic ones. Where will you steer if you don’t know where you want to go? Vague goals lack action plans; so you want to be ‘rich’. Now what? What does being ‘rich’ mean to you? Is it owning a yacht, or being able to just sit and do nothing all day? Think of why you want it, the purpose it will serve you (and/or others) and the possible roads that will take you there.
6. Be arrogant
   Being arrogant about anything rarely will get you anywhere. Don’t snub anyone, as you never know when you might find yourself in their position. It will not win you any friends, and the world has its ways of humbling everyone! Treat everyone as equals, disagree or turn down an offer but be polite and elegant about it, celebrate your success but be humble in doing so (i.e. thank your team and everyone who has helped you through instead of focusing on yourself.)
7. Compare yourself to others constantly
   Comparing how you are doing with respect to other people in the same industry or within your circle can be a healthy way to take note of things you could be doing better or things you have learnt to master better than others. But it becomes dangerous when you make it a habit and you let it breed jealousy. Be happy for others’ success, and think about what might have gotten them there, what they’re doing really well and what they’re doing not so well; make subtle changes to your own action plan accordingly and see if it works for you, and then move on! There will be many things requiring your attention, and jealousy should not be part of any of them.
8. Focusing on the outcome rather than the entire process
   There are two kinds of people: those who are motivated by results, and those who are motivated by the process (which usually involves learning). The first kind are likely to have their hopes die out instantly after an unpredicted failure or not meeting some sort of standard, wheareas the latter will always gain from the experience whether it ends in success or failure. The good thing about focusing on the entire process rather than the outcome is that you maintain a positive attitude throughout, and you are more likely to know that your failing means you lack experience (and will therefore set out to gain it) instead of it meaning that you are just not good enough or “made for that kind of stuff”. It’s a huge difference in terms of attitude; think of where you stand.
9. Ignore possible failures
   If you do fail but your plan has completely omitted any room for failure, it will come as a gigantic shock and will leave you with no previously thought-through options for a state of mind that most likely won’t let you think clearly. You are human; small failures are likely to pop up along the way, so be ready for them and put them in perspective. Do this and your panicking will be reduced by 70%! If you’ve drifted out in the sea with no life vest, panicking will exhaust you and possibly result in your drowning. Having a life vest will give you a sense of security that will allow you to think clearly about what you need to do to get back to shore safely. So have a plan that includes every event, and it will be the life vest that secures your safe return!
10. Having no clue as to why it didn’t work (or not wanting to see)
    In the event that you fail, you must know the causes so that you can improve your ways in the future. Most importantly, you need to determine whether the result was due to an external cause (the economy’s gone downhill, a key person quit on you) or internal (you doubted yourself the whole way through, you didn’t promote enough…). You’ll need to be completely honest with yourself so that you can tackle the problems directly!

It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure. — Bill Gates

I think sometimes failure is necessary to help us gain perspective, and I dare even say it might be inevitable; above all I think that letting your mind dictate your failure is the biggest failure of all. Use it instead to dictate success, even when failure does come along.

What would you add to this list?

It is no secret that Monday is my least favorite day of the week, and today it is especially strange as that time of the year has come again for me. The time where I am one day away from turning a year older, closer to supposed adulthood and the tiniest bit further from youth (which I don’t like). The time where I sit and ponder about what my life has been to date, the many people that have walked by and those who remain, past fashion choices that now make me cringe…

The best is looking at old photographs — the change is monumental, as you would expect. But it seems less so when you remember things in your mind, as you see yourself in the mirror every day so change seems absent. Then I begin to think of all the times I  wished I had this and that, wished I could be here or there, wished I looked like so and so…

In my Letter to My Body article I write a bit about the things I was not too happy about before, but now have come to solidly accept; all of it (me). My unruly hair (otherwise known as baby hair), strange thoughts, bad singing, drunken mistakes, and the list could go on…haven’t stopped me from meeting the most amazing human beings, loving them and being loved in return.

So why not turn the tables around, darlings? Instead of getting into the self-destructive habit of comparing, just think about how amazing you truly are. There’s nothing wrong with believing that; if your favorite people in the world can believe that about you, why can’t you? Wear your best clothes, sing (badly) if it’ll make you happy, sit alone in the park if you so wish, smile at yourself in the mirror before going out, enjoy every last ounce of ‘you’ — whether or not it’s the current mainstream way to go is a problem to those who only know to follow the norm, not to you!

I celebrate myself, and sing myself. — Walt Whitman

Head over to Loving Yourself More, read it, print it out, let it sink in. The first step to being amazing, is recognizing that you are amazing yourself.

So happy Monday sugardrop, let your hair down and have an amazing week!

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend — some inspiration for the coming week! Thanks for sticking by, Lemon Soda will be back tomorrow :)

The “R” factor, as my third grade teacher called it, is unfortunately the only way some people find to relate to others. It is impossible to steer away from the jealousy cliché, because it is one of the determining forces behind rudeness. Why are people rude? The possibilities are endless; it may spring from the need for self-validation, a bad day, a stressful situation, ignorance, prejudices…Whatever the reason, the key lies in your reaction to it.

Above all, remember that you are classy and polite; these are permanent conditions of your being, while temper is a passing state, so be wise about when to let it play a part. Knowing this will allow you to act accordingly.

Those who brag
A lot of the time, these people are trying to convince themselves of something — of being capable, talented, rich, what-have-you — and the only way to gain validation is to shout it to the world, especially to people who they feel cannot obtain the same thing they have. The best thing to do is to let them shout it out as loud as they want. Though very tempting, replying with irony will only result in them believing they have made you jealous, which will be another ‘win’ in their book. A simple reply will do.
Another reason for bragging is attention. A person who brags usually does so about something they know will generate a response: “WOW! How did you do that?!” “Where did you get it?! I want one!” “You’re sooo cool!”. Again, this attention is self-validating, it makes them feel important. Look for a smug look on their face or a smirk; if present, attention is most likely their objective. Don’t give it to them. A simple reply will do.

Those who belittle
Much like bragging, belittling brings the belittler a sense of power and importance. They have not found a way to be brilliant through self-merit and resort to trying to make others appear dull in comparison, so they will criticize everything from your looks, to your achievements, to your country. Basically anything that is attached to your persona is fair ground for bashing. Again, these don’t deserve more than a brief reply. Be polite, but don’t spend too much time around. Anyone who tries to make others feel like they are any less are too energy and time consuming so sticking around would not be the most interesting option.

Those who snap
Snapping is a milder form of rudeness, mainly because a lot of the time it is caused by physiological factors (sleep deprivation, hunger, pain…) so we find it easier to forgive. I snap, you snap, we all snap sometimes! The important thing here is letting the person know that they are being snappy without reason. Often it acts as a wake-up call and the person will stop. Otherwise (like for instance bitter customer service people), kill them with kindness. Being overly nice and genuine will catch them offguard and will make them feel slightly stupid at the very least.

Those who don’t appreciate
Giving should be done without expecting anything in return, but when I give I do expect a thank you, even if just out of courtesy. When I do give something, it is also because I imagine that the other person would have no problem doing something similar for me if the opportunity arose. A lot of people don’t have this sense of compromise though, which can be hurtful when it has taken a great deal of effort on your part. There is not much that can be done about this, except learn your lesson and refrain from putting any more effort into them.

Giving simple replies instead of ironic remarks does not equal to being passive and lame. If someone is truly out of line, demand respect, but do it with respect. “I only respect those who respect me” will only lead to more conflict and waste of energy. Simply call them out on it, and if it continues, remove them from your life entirely.

How do you guys deal with rude people?