The Big What If: What’s Yours?
There’s always the question: is it fate or is it choice? I think it’s a big of both. Fate takes you in the direction, the choices are up to you in the end. And it always comes down to those choices, sometimes little, sometimes gigantic. For some reason unbeknownst to me (okay I have a small idea what this might be about. Perhaps a pre-cuarter life crisis?) I have been thinking of all the choices I have made up until know. Do I regret any? No, regret isn’t the word. It is equally uncomfortable, but it is not regret; it’s the ‘what ifs’ that pop up randomly here and there.
- What if I hadn’t dropped Art in highschool in favor of Data Management?
- What if I’d only done one gap year in Beijing instead of two? What if I hadn’t done one at all?
- What if last summer I’d gone somewhere different and had a change of heart about where I want to live?
All this going back and forth isn’t very nice, because I can’t change any of it. I don’t regret my choices, but sometimes I do wonder where a different alternative might have taken me. Which is why I have decided to get ahead of the game! No more what if’s. I am going to try to do everything my little heart desires, with hard work and determination. I will find what works for me and what doesn’t, and when it comes down to evaluating my choice it won’t be a matter of ‘what if’, but rather, ‘that didn’t work for me’ or ‘I’m glad it worked for me!’.
The big What If in my life right now is: what if I study something besides Psychology? Not instead of, but at the same time. There are so many things I love, why do I have to stick to just one? I’ve narrowed it down to two main things I’d like to try: Illustration, Makeup Art and Dancing. Completely unrelated? Maybe! But these things would make me the happiest in the world, so it only makes sense to go for them. If you want something bad enough, you’ll find all the time and money required to get to it (with a LOT of hard work, unless you are incredibly lucky and know of someone that can lend a hand!).
[...] As I mentioned a few days earlier, I’ve been thinking of where I want to go in life and the things I want to accomplish. I am in university and still living off of my parents, but I think it’s time to branch out and start carving my own way. I feel like being more financially independent will allow me to value things more, and it will give me more control over what I decide to do with my earnings. On the Third Step I talked about spending wisely and saving up; but of course that money will have come from somewhere. [...]
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I agree with sarah hannah! I have waaaay too many “what ifs”, so i *try* not to dwell on them…but i do wonder sometimes. Usually it just makes me depressed, because, like you say- the past can’t be changed. My big “what if” is probably “what if i had more confidence back when i was younger?” I probably would have taken more opportunities instead of shying away from them because i felt unworthy. Now I’m getting older, and it’s probably too late. Ironic, because I’m trying to feel “more worthy” these days, but the whole getting older thing, plus berating myself for all my stupid mistakes is not helping.
I do wish I’d travelled a bit before having a kid too. But, when she gets older it will be kinda cool to explore the world with her :) She’s my little buddy.
Asylum dolly’s last blog…Wuvvy Duvvy Giwaffies of Wuv…
i try to not think about all the ‘what if’s’ in my past. otherwise i would seriously go insane! what happpened, happened and it has shaped me into who i am today.
i think you should definately make time to study something else! skills and knowledge is something that no one can take away from you and it will only enhance your quality of life. do it!
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This is such an inspiring post, I am also a “what if…” type of girl. I tend to hypothsize a lot senarios, trying to figure out how my life might be different if I had changed one thing which I did. Then I think, “well if I had done anything differently then I wouldn’t be who I am now. So I would rather be who I am now then what I could have been.” Does that make any sense? Anyways… I think that you should study something else along with pyschology, it will make you a more well rounded, creative person. Who knows… maybe it will even help you in your studies of pyschology (for example: you could study the effect which, say, dance has on a persons well being). Also you should do what makes you happy, not what others think will make you happy (this is something which I’ve had to learn over the years). :)
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Fantastic on SO many levels! I like that you are showing that people can be diverse and varied, and that is what makes us interesting.
Super- I vote for makeup artistry, btw!
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Now this is an inspiring post! I always think, when I see movies such as 17 Again or Click, what if I was a lot older and could travel back in time to right NOW? What would I do differently… I daydream that I’d get an RV within a week no matter what it takes, break up with my boyfriend and travel the world! So why won’t I just take the leap of faith and do it now?