How To Deal With Rude People
The “R” factor, as my third grade teacher called it, is unfortunately the only way some people find to relate to others. It is impossible to steer away from the jealousy cliché, because it is one of the determining forces behind rudeness. Why are people rude? The possibilities are endless; it may spring from the need for self-validation, a bad day, a stressful situation, ignorance, prejudices…Whatever the reason, the key lies in your reaction to it.
Above all, remember that you are classy and polite; these are permanent conditions of your being, while temper is a passing state, so be wise about when to let it play a part. Knowing this will allow you to act accordingly.
Those who brag
A lot of the time, these people are trying to convince themselves of something — of being capable, talented, rich, what-have-you — and the only way to gain validation is to shout it to the world, especially to people who they feel cannot obtain the same thing they have. The best thing to do is to let them shout it out as loud as they want. Though very tempting, replying with irony will only result in them believing they have made you jealous, which will be another ‘win’ in their book. A simple reply will do.
Another reason for bragging is attention. A person who brags usually does so about something they know will generate a response: “WOW! How did you do that?!” “Where did you get it?! I want one!” “You’re sooo cool!”. Again, this attention is self-validating, it makes them feel important. Look for a smug look on their face or a smirk; if present, attention is most likely their objective. Don’t give it to them. A simple reply will do.
Those who belittle
Much like bragging, belittling brings the belittler a sense of power and importance. They have not found a way to be brilliant through self-merit and resort to trying to make others appear dull in comparison, so they will criticize everything from your looks, to your achievements, to your country. Basically anything that is attached to your persona is fair ground for bashing. Again, these don’t deserve more than a brief reply. Be polite, but don’t spend too much time around. Anyone who tries to make others feel like they are any less are too energy and time consuming so sticking around would not be the most interesting option.
Those who snap
Snapping is a milder form of rudeness, mainly because a lot of the time it is caused by physiological factors (sleep deprivation, hunger, pain…) so we find it easier to forgive. I snap, you snap, we all snap sometimes! The important thing here is letting the person know that they are being snappy without reason. Often it acts as a wake-up call and the person will stop. Otherwise (like for instance bitter customer service people), kill them with kindness. Being overly nice and genuine will catch them offguard and will make them feel slightly stupid at the very least.
Those who don’t appreciate
Giving should be done without expecting anything in return, but when I give I do expect a thank you, even if just out of courtesy. When I do give something, it is also because I imagine that the other person would have no problem doing something similar for me if the opportunity arose. A lot of people don’t have this sense of compromise though, which can be hurtful when it has taken a great deal of effort on your part. There is not much that can be done about this, except learn your lesson and refrain from putting any more effort into them.
Giving simple replies instead of ironic remarks does not equal to being passive and lame. If someone is truly out of line, demand respect, but do it with respect. “I only respect those who respect me” will only lead to more conflict and waste of energy. Simply call them out on it, and if it continues, remove them from your life entirely.
How do you guys deal with rude people?
What kind of girl are you?
I was 18 and fresh out of high school. Most of my friends went straight to uni, but I was thinking of a gap year in Beijing. I absolutely loved it and stayed for a second year. Here is a brief list of some of the (many!) things I learnt during my time there!
