Dealing With Nerves

Sweaty palms, racing heart, a little tug at the pit of your stomach…Nerves are physiological responses in anticipation of a certain outcome or situation.  How do you guys deal with them? They can be more or less intense depending on your personality and the type of situation; maybe you’re up for a huge speech, or you’re sitting by the phone to see if you got that job. I’m waiting for some pretty big news today, and while the event isn’t flashing constantly in my mind, it does make me nervous when I think about it.

Anticipating an outcome
If you crashed your dad’s car, you’ll be nervous as you walk through the door because you are anticipating that he will get angry. If you’re about to give a speech, you’ll be nervous that people won’t respond well to it or you’ll say something ridiculous and embarrass yourself. These thoughts are mental barriers we set up, and we get nervous as we find them hard to overcome; we anticipate a negative outcome even if there is the possibility of a positive one (for instance, job interviews). I don’t think there’s a surefire way to ‘overcome’ nerves, but there are ways to make them less intense.

When public speaking
This is probably one of the number one nerve-wracking situations for many. You’re about to give a speech to your entire class; everyone will be silent and the lights will catch any signs of nervousness. Generally you become more aware of your mannerisms because you feel observed, which will cause you to sway, or wonder where your hands should go, or whether you’re talking loud enough. To cope a little:

• Make sure you know what you’re going to say. Practice your speech out loud over and over like your life depends on it, changing things around a bit each time so that in case your PowerPoint messes up you know where to pick up the slack.
• Use an audience. Grab your parents, siblings or grandparents.
• Before the event (or class) begins, try standing around the front as people take their seats. This will help you familiarize with the space so that you can move around more freely.
• Take a deep breath as you get ready to say your first words. Start with a strong voice so you can follow in the same pattern. Make the audience believe in what you’re saying.
• Speak as though you were conversing; logical, bite sized sequence of events using natural language (not colloquial, but not extremely technical — specific enough to the subject area but easy enough that everyone understands.)
• Be interested in what you’re saying and you’ll bring your audience with you; rather than focusing on whether or not you said something right, they’ll be trying to grasp concepts and put ideas together.
• Once you’re done, think ‘that wasn’t so hard’. Remember this moment for your next speech!

When doing something for the first time
Skydiving. All your friends seem to have done it and they won’t stop raving about how amazing it is. If you’re deathly afraid of heights (like me), no amount of convincing will work on you; however if you’re naturally curious (though not exactly an adventure seeker) you might find yourself wanting to try this out. It’s your first time jumping off a plane though, and you are —with reason— scared as hell. In this case:

• Let it be known that you are nervous as hell. Communicate it to your friends who have done it, to the instructor and to the pilot if he’s around. You’ll get a biased response, but in this case you need all the positive feedback you can get: “It’s nothing!”, “You’re more likely to die from being struck by lightning”, “Nobody’s died from it — yet!”. You’ll still be scared as hell, but running these through your mind will help ease the tension (somewhat)
• Know how to get out of it in case of an emergency. In skydiving, if your chute doesn’t open you might be in big trouble (that’s probably an understatement.) But say you’ve decided to go rock climbing and get stuck somewhere. Make sure you know what you need to do to get out!
• Think about the risk and weigh it against the benefits. If it’s your first time asking someone out, think of the possible consequences. Worst case scenario: you’ll be rejected. Will you die? No. Will you be hurt? Most likely. But if they say yes, will it be the best decision you ever made? Then go for it.

When taking an exam
You have a huge final on Monday. It will determine whether or not you graduate, and again, you are nervous as hell.

• Nerves will only block your mind, and in this case they will arise from uncertainty. So you need to start by making sure you understand the material. Reading over your notes 15 times will not help if you still don’t understand how protein synthesis works. Break down the information until you understand it, and then connect ideas and new concepts; this way, even if you don’t remember minute details in the happenings, you’ll still be able to tell the whole story.
• EAT! I used to think this was a silly cliche, but it kind of seems obvious that if energy is required to process thoughts, and energy comes from food, then eating is a smart choice. Glucose is especially important in brain processes and is used up faster in the brain than anywhere else in the body. So have a hearty breakfast and a chocolate bar on your way to the exam and get thinking!
• Right before the exam, if you really feel there’s so much information in your brain that it might fall out, jot it all down on the margins before you even look at the questions. This way your thoughts won’t be tainted by tricky wordings and you can refer back to them if they come up.
• Divide your time, otherwise you might find yourself chewing away at your pencil until you realize time’s almost up. If it takes more than 5 minutes, leave it for later and move on.
• Read everything twice. Once you’ve answered, read over everything once more. Make sure you haven’t been tricked and that you actually answered the question! Nerves can make you read words that aren’t there, turn negative numbers into positives or even make you think that the entire question is a trick.
• When you come out, DON’T talk about the answers with your peers!! Everyone does this, it’s natural, we want to know how we did compared to the rest of the class and knowing that someone else put a for the first question makes us feel more secure. But if you find that your answers are completely different to everyone’s you’re likely to think you probably failed, when sometimes it may mean that you were the only one to actually answer right. Then you’ll just be thinking about it and feeling terrible until the official results come out.

When approaching someone
A lot of times we want to complain, or ask someone for directions, or just talk in a crowded cocktail party. For some reason we are embarrassed, and can’t bring ourselves to do it.

• Firstly, remember people are only fellow human beings. They’ve also needed help at some point or wanted to complain that the fries are too salty. If you are nice about it there’s no reason why they won’t help you out.
• Don’t over-think it. You’re at some event for a book that just launched and you find yourself alone. Instead of hanging over by the punch, go over to someone else. It may be easier to break the ice with someone who is also alone, or maybe two people. I don’t know about you, but if I’m also roaming around alone and someone comes up to me, I’ll be more thankful than annoyed.
• Classic advice: if you want to be interesting, be interested. Ask genuine questions, reply with personal experiences or simply comment a bit on their answer.
• Tip: if you aren’t speaking in your first language and can’t find a crucial word, say it fast in your own language. This way, the op will think they either misunderstood or don’t know the word. At the risk of sounding stupid, it is unlikely that they’ll ask you what it means, but if they do, just innocently say it again (in your language) and tell them that’s how you say it in your country.

When making an important call
I’m not a phone person; I don’t even like calling for pizza, but sometimes you can’t avoid it.

• If you have to call someone important, or have something important to say but know your nerves will get in the way, the best thing to do is to write down key points you want to touch upon. Keep them in sight as you’re talking to the person. Before you dial, rehearse how you’ll greet them and lead into the conversation. The good thing about phones is the other person won’t see your panicked face, or your pacing back and forth as you try to calm the nerves.

In the end, it all comes down to feeling under prepared (and therefore less confident) for a certain situation; prepare well and visualize success. Think of the moment the struggle is done and what you can gain from it. Life goes on whether you want it to or not, and even if it doesn’t end up being what you had envisioned it to be, it’ll still be Friday, and Saturday, and Sunday. By Monday you will barely remember the feeling, so get over it and try again!

What makes you nervous and how do you cope? Any strategies to help us calm down in the face of fear?