I was a mere spring and half a summer away from
becoming flesh the day you laid out bread and milk
and sealed off your kitchen to inhale your final solution.
I didn’t even realize until my coffee chat with Bridget
the other day that you lived and died a full hundred
years later than I waywardly assumed you had.
Surely poets didn’t suicide themselves in 1963?
1863 – 1763 – I could see. But 1963?
Yet you did.
And I wonder was your life
like a grasshopper’s on a
windshield at sixty mph,
like an uprooted sapling’s who
can’t speak the foreign tongue
of discontinued seasons?
Hanging on for dear life
from the rafters of childhood,
from the meat hooks of love,
from the blackness of red tulips,
who knows what night you knew?
Ah, gone lady, had we been girls
of beach summers and winter woods
together, I would’ve shown you how to
laugh and wear your hat like starshine,
how to skip the flattest round stones
and joke about moons over tea,
every day a small miracle hanging
like children in park swings,
like bras in happy trees.
The weather is getting slightly colder now, enough to make me want to stay inside and curl up with a book with the curtains open to let the white light pour into my room. A little rain would be nice too, I love the sound against my window. But let’s go back to books. Were it not for the immense amount of assignments I need to take care of, I would be devouring all kinds of books; writing down beautiful phrases and looking up big words to incorporate into my vocabulary. For those of you who with little time this weekend to dedicate to reading, here is some book eye candy to get a little bit of that warm ‘I-have-an-entire-afternoon-of-reading-to-myself’ feeling.
So you’ve decided to go long distance; the bothers and pain of your s.o’s absence is worth it and trust rules above all in your relationship. (Not sure whether to take the leap? Consider these and think about it!) That is absolutely great, but it doesn’t mean it will be easy. In fact it won’t be and you will be miserable at times. Luckily, there are ways to endure this situation and actually sprinkle bits of amazing along the way. Here are some ideas to brave distance:
Skype – No, I don’t mean just talking on it. I mean actually setting up a time and day for it; a Skype Date. Having your s.o on speaker is pretty much like having them there, minus the fact that they actually are just on your screen. But we will omit this tiny detail and proceed to plan out an amazing date where you two will enjoy wine – red or white, your choice, champagne if you’re feeling particularly festive – and maybe watch a movie or TV show online. After a few glasses you both will be slightly tipsy, which will be great for trying to beat each other at online games or just looking through funny Facebook pictures (which may or may not be your own.) Optional: you may take a screenshot to remember the night :)
Little somethings in the mail – E-mailing is fast and we are so impatient that the Facebook inbox will probably soon take over it (if it hasn’t for you already), but mail can’t and never will lose its appeal. For a long distance relationship, I am not asking you to communicate solely through letters, though maybe sending each other a little week re-cap now and then would be nice. But for the full effect, send your s.o random gifts of goodness through the mail. Do not warn them about it, the surprise is half of it! It can be anything: leaves from your walk home accompanied by a short letter or poem, the last book you read, a photograph of yourself, a drawing, a riddle, chocolates/candy…
Random calls/SMS – Just to let them know that you miss them, or to wish them a good day or good luck on that presentation. I love getting these in the middle of the day, it just makes you feel remembered and important (which you should be!)
Scheduled calls – Pick a day of the week (or as many as you’d like) where you will have a catch-up session. You’ll most likely be using Skype for this (unless you are in the same country) as international calls are crazy expensive, but it still counts as a call.
Visiting! – Frequency will obviously depend on how far away you guys are and your schedules, but it is incredibly worth it to plan some time to see each other. The importance of visits is not only getting to see your s.o, but the quality of that time spent together. It is perfect for planning outings, dinners, sightseeing, little romantic escapades around the park…because you have such little time together and because it probably won’t be an every-other-week thing (though lucky you if this is the case!), you are less likely to argue and just focus on having a good time. The hardest part about this will be saying goodbye, but it is in that moment that you will realize again just how important they are to you and why you need to keep going.
These little tips combined with patience and will should keep you two busy for a long while. Christmas is coming up, so is his birthday, and what about random presents? I’m cooking up a little list of creative gift ideas for LDR couples out there; should be fun so watch out for it, counts for overseas friends too!
Want to remember why you decided to go for long distance in the first place? Go back to Surviving LDR Part I!
Do you find yourself sitting on top of your luggage so you can get it to zip shut, only to find you forgot to put your socks in? And what about all the annoying chargers for all our nifty gadgets? For the crowded-closet owners out there: packing is not easy! Especially if your trip is only a few days long. Here’s how to narrow it down to the essentials!
Define categories
Generally your stuff will/can fit in the following: outfits, shoes, toiletry & makeup, intimates & pj’s, technology, and entertainment. Make a list!
Outfits & Shoes
Depending on the number of days you are going to be away and your destination, you’ll need different outfits. I will be going away for five days, so I will think up at least six outfits, just in case one doesn’t work out or I change my mind. It usually goes a little something like:
Two ‘day’ outfits
Two night outfits
A fancy outfit
An extra day-to-night outfit
This is for going to the UK where I will be mostly dwelling within cities, but of course if I were going to backpack around China my outfit range would obviously differ! Ideally all day outfits would easily transition from day to night, just because I am usually in some sort of time crunch and going back to change isn’t always an option! Every two outfits share a piece, that way my two day outfits may include the same jeans but two different tops and accessories. So you have twice the options available but only have to carry half the volume.
Then of course, one must always carry a fancy option (I recommend two) for unexpected party invites, or for when you’re walking around and spot the perfect restaurant for a romantic dinner. Or maybe just to wear around the hotel room with your friends and have a vogue photoshoot à la GaGa. Whichever the case, you most definitely want to have a non-jeans option for these.
I realize shoes are part of an outfit, but the reason I separated them is because when you are tight for space, you will have to sacrifice your delicious shoe collection in favor of a chosen few. I usually pick:
A pair of shoes that go with everything, that can be dressed up or down, like flats
A pair of statement heels for my fancy look
A pair of comfortable walking shoes (this does not immediately equal sneakers. In fact I own many super comfortable flats, good enough for walking! Converse might do the trick.)
Toiletry & makeup
Here’s a part I struggle with a lot; all the pots and bottles take so much space! I usually narrow down the bare essentials that I need to keep my face clean and moisturized, and then I usually include most of my makeup because I am indecisive and you never know when you might use that red again! Items that always make it: mascara, concealer and lipgloss. If you have a huge bottle of, say, toner, you can buy those cheap little bottles from any drugstore and fill them up instead of carrying the whole thing around. I like to do this with perfume as well, but mostly because I’m paranoid that somehow the bottle will smash and everything will be ruined. Which is quite possible actually.
Intimates & pj’s
This is quite straightforward, but I will say it anyway. It is very wise to bring more underwear than the number of days you will be away for. I like to put these in little ziplock bags so that they aren’t all over the place. With pj’s, I usually go for a comfy top and underwear (^_^). Also, very important: don’t forget to bring an extra plastic bag for all your dirty laundry.
Technology
Ah, technology! Yes. All those beautifully shiny electronic devices, and all of their annoying, tangle-prone chargers and computer adapters and whatever else they may come with. Sounds like a hassle, but it can be easy! For each charger (/whatever else), roll the cable around the main body and make sure it stays in place by tying a rubber band around. Then just stick them all in a bag!
Entertainment
Any type of personal music device and reading material or laptop should go in your hand bag/luggage, for two main reasons: a) for easy reach while you’re waiting around the airport and while you’re on the plane, and b) so that, in the event that your checked in luggage goes missing, you at least have the items that are hard to replace. I do this with all of my earrings as well, because they are irreplaceable as my collection is made up of pieces from everywhere I’ve been.
Choosing bags/suitcases
If you have more than one piece of luggage at home, choose the one that will give you the least hassle when packing up: Does it have extra pockets? Does it expand in case you decide to bring back some goodies from your trip? Does it have wheels (very important for me)? Will it fall apart/unzip/break as soon as one of those buff luggage men throw it on the conveyor? These may sound stupid but trust me, they are important questions! Also, make sure you identify your bag not only with a personal card but also make it easily visible so you can grab it as soon as you see it and go! This will remove any confusion or the surprise that you have taken someone else’s stuff.
Extras
Remember to carry some feminine hygiene products, you know, just in case! Pack any meds you currently take or might need, like, say, some Pepto. Having curry in India might be lovely, but after five days straight it may not be. Most of all, remember to bear in mind all the (sometimes ridiculous) carryon measures! That means no liquids, lotions or sharp items (tweezers, razors or nail files). It definitely is not fun to have your bag opened up and rummaged through because you forgot about your tweezers!
There you have it! I do this every time I travel and it works. Maybe it’s a bit OTP, but it’s nice to be prepared when you’re away from home :)
here’s to opening and upward, to leaf and to sap
and to your(in my arms flowering so new)
self whose eyes smell of the sound of rain
and here’s to silent certainly mountains;and to
a disappearing poet of always,snow
and to morning;and to morning’s beautiful friend
twilight(and a first dream called ocean)and
let must or if be damned with whomever’s afraid
down with ought with because with every brain
which thinks it thinks,nor dares to feel(but up
with joy;and up with laughing and drunkenness)
here’s to one undiscoverable guess
of whose mad skill each world of blood is made
(whose fatal songs are moving in the moon
-e.e cummings
My goal for this week: get on top of everything I need to finish so that I can enjoy my trip to the UK :> If you think you can, you are right. If you think you can’t, you are also right! Hope you all had a good start to the week!
